If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
