Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did I show you my penis last night?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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