Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
