.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
