I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
