I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
