I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
