Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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