Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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