Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
