hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
