oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
