I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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