They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
