I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
