They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
