the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
