Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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