everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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