im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
