I look better un-naked...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
