dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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