when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
