but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
