Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
