are you so shy because you have an std?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
