i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
