Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
