Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
