Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
