whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
