Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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