Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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