we have officially lost it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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