two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
