You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
