I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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