i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
