i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this boner is exhausting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
