She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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