I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
