I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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