put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
