no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
