put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
handjob tips. give me some.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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