When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
