I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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