the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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