Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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