Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
