I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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