Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
