It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
