we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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