Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
