I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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