I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
